It's ironic, given how narrowly I squeaked through my physics class, that I am now consumed with two theories of the discipline. Well, truth be told, I'm just diggin' the phrases; given my history I am sure I'm misinterpreting the actual theories. I keep thinking about "entropy" and "spooky action at a distance." They rattle about in my grey matter, they sing in my ears like a choir of secular-humanist angels.
To most of us laywomen (wow, that sounds dirty), "entropy" is hazily remembered as something about descent into chaos. Even I know that's not quite right, but ask 100 people on the street and that's what 20 of them will say. You know, if they don't scold you for sassing them. The wordy types among us will say that the first bit of the word, the "en," means inside, and the other part, the "tropē" comes from the Greek for transformation. So, a kind of value-free thing. No chaos. No disorder. No judginess. Or maybe it's just that all transformation feels tumultuous. All change in the order is untidy. At least for a little while.
At the same time, the Universe keeps demanding I pay attention to "spooky action at a distance." If I remembered anything about statistics I could tell you the chances of my standing in my crappy little kitchen and hearing that phrase uttered three times in one week, but I don't. (I suppose the massive STEM shortcomings in my education are the subject for another day's musings.) The phrase was originally dismissive, a way of mocking the notion of that two separate particles could be somehow connected, that even though they aren't even close to each other, they might be entangled. But for a girl who most days rather resembles a tarnished pinball ricocheting from one jangling post to another, this may feel spooky but not at all improbable. Some days--all my efforts to be brave and take action notwithstanding--I am just a bundle of nerves bouncing from one reaction to another. I am most certainly entangled with something somewhere, and just because we aren't holding hands (does it even have hands?!?!) doesn't mean we aren't bound to one another. Now, what the fuck that thing is--a force, a being, a destiny--I cannot say. But somehow physics never seemed particularly beholden to clear, declarative statements to me.
So here I am: playing chicken with my 50s, disheveled and disoriented. I am entropy embodied, and acted upon in the spookiest and most mysterious of ways. I'm hapless, and ditzy, and I let my dog boss me around. I laugh too loudly for polite company, and I am rarely dressed appropriately. My yard is overgrown, and I believe that cereal is a perfectly acceptable dinner. I often do things without really knowing why, let alone what the end game is going to be. But hell, I'm still standing. And if my "inside transformation" has an element of the passive voice to it--if it comes as part of my spinning dance with some unknown force--well, so be it. All change comes from chaos, after all, and spooky can just be another word for extraordinary. So, okay.