"Everybody Got to Have a Home"

Weird things about being single again at 48:

  • You list yourself as your own "emergency contact" on forms because you honestly can't think of anybody within a four hour drive you could put down there.
  • You don't get to exchange amused glances across a room when somebody else says something that makes you think of a private joke.
  • You can put your favorite song of the day on repeat and listen to it for a full hour if you want to without anyone yelling, "Really?!? Again?"
  • You can finally eat jelly beans for breakfast, but secretly miss having somebody to say, "Baby, jelly beans are not really a good breakfast, how about if I make you an omelet instead?"
  • It's kind of nice to be able to go to bed at 8:30 if you want to without having to explain yourself.  Similarly, getting up at 5 doesn't bother anyone even when the news comes on really really loud.
  • You realize that, actually, it is kind of annoying when you leave your shoes all over the house, but also that when it's just you tripping over them it isn't so annoying that you'll do anything about it.
  • No negotiations necessary over what to watch on Netflix.
  • It actually takes practice to use an entire king-sized bed when you're by yourself and not just curl up in that one little spot that always used to be "yours."
  • A big part of what used to make you feel worthwhile was being able to help and take care of somebody else.
  • Your story is really no sadder than anybody else's, and actually much less so than some, yet it feels so fucking heavy sometimes and it's probably because by its very nature you're carrying it all alone. 
  • Getting out of a rut is very, very hard without somebody else to give you a little boost.
  • A year is an infinity, but then so too can be a month, a week, or even an hour.